Prostii la bautura

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2012-05-11 00:49:10.

Sotia:
- Nenorocitule, ai spus aseara ca nu o sa mai bei in viata ta!
- Iubito, doar stii ca la betie omul zice multe prostii!

I have ...

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-10-03 12:04:48.

- I have Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, Messenger, Skype...
- Dude, do you have a life?
- OMG! No! Send me the link!

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-05-05 14:41:13.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying:
- Everyone who thinks theyíre stupid, stand up!
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said:
- Why do you think youíre stupid, Little Johnny?
Little Johnny replied:
- No, maíam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-05-05 14:40:24.

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear:
- Iíll do anything you want for 50 bucks.
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two fives, a twenty and ten ones. He thrusts the wadded up money into the womanís hand and says:
Here - paint my house!

That's a girl ...

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-03-10 15:21:45.

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman;
If you donít, you are not a man;
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying;
If you donít, you are good for nothing;
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp;
If you donít, you do not understand;
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring;
If you donít, she accuses you of double-crossing;
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy;
If you donít, you are a dull boy;
If you are jealous, she says itís bad;
If you donít, she thinks you do not love her;
If you attempt a romance, she says you didnít respect her;
If you donít, she thinks you do not like her;
If you are a minute late, she complains itís hard to wait;
If she is late, she says thatís a girlís way;
If you visit another man, youíre not putting in ďquality timeĒ;
If she is visited by another woman, ďoh itís natural, we are girlsĒ;
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold;
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage;
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics;
If you do, she thinks itís just one of menís tactics for seduction;
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting;
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring;
If you talk, she wants you to listen;
If you listen, she wants you to talk;
That's A GIRL!

Difference between girls aged

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-03-10 15:17:21.

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You donít need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!

Hi.

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

Hi, Iím Justin Case.
- Just in case what?

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70ís)
MUST NOT BEAT ME
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said:
- You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you... you have no legs!
The old man smiled:
- Therefore I cannot run around on you!
She snorted: - You donít have any hands either!
Again the old man smiled: - Nor can I beat you!
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently:
- Are you still good in bed?
- With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said:
- I rang the doorbell, didn't I?

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

- What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
- They know how many men went down on the Titanic.

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grand-motherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me: - YOU'RE NEXT.
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet." Finally they say:
- When can we see the baby?
And the mother says: - When the baby cries.
So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says: - I forgot where I put it.

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

A woman called the Hewlett Packard help desk with a printer problem. The tech asked her if she was running the printer under "Windows." The woman responded:
- No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.