Prostii la bautura

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2012-05-11 00:49:10.

- Nenorocitule, ai spus aseara ca nu o sa mai bei in viata ta!
- Iubito, doar stii ca la betie omul zice multe prostii!

I have ...

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-10-03 12:04:48.

- I have Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, Messenger, Skype...
- Dude, do you have a life?
- OMG! No! Send me the link!

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-05-05 14:41:13.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying:
- Everyone who thinks theyíre stupid, stand up!
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said:
- Why do you think youíre stupid, Little Johnny?
Little Johnny replied:
- No, maíam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-05-05 14:40:24.

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear:
- Iíll do anything you want for 50 bucks.
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two fives, a twenty and ten ones. He thrusts the wadded up money into the womanís hand and says:
Here - paint my house!

That's a girl ...

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-03-10 15:21:45.

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman;
If you donít, you are not a man;
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying;
If you donít, you are good for nothing;
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp;
If you donít, you do not understand;
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring;
If you donít, she accuses you of double-crossing;
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy;
If you donít, you are a dull boy;
If you are jealous, she says itís bad;
If you donít, she thinks you do not love her;
If you attempt a romance, she says you didnít respect her;
If you donít, she thinks you do not like her;
If you are a minute late, she complains itís hard to wait;
If she is late, she says thatís a girlís way;
If you visit another man, youíre not putting in ďquality timeĒ;
If she is visited by another woman, ďoh itís natural, we are girlsĒ;
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold;
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage;
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics;
If you do, she thinks itís just one of menís tactics for seduction;
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting;
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring;
If you talk, she wants you to listen;
If you listen, she wants you to talk;
That's A GIRL!

Difference between girls aged

Adaugat de Claudiu in data de 2011-03-10 15:17:21.

What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You donít need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!


Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

Hi, Iím Justin Case.
- Just in case what?

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said:
- You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you... you have no legs!
The old man smiled:
- Therefore I cannot run around on you!
She snorted: - You donít have any hands either!
Again the old man smiled: - Nor can I beat you!
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently:
- Are you still good in bed?
- With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said:
- I rang the doorbell, didn't I?

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

- What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
- They know how many men went down on the Titanic.

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grand-motherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me: - YOU'RE NEXT.
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet." Finally they say:
- When can we see the baby?
And the mother says: - When the baby cries.
So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says: - I forgot where I put it.

Adaugat de Claudiu inainte de 2009.

A woman called the Hewlett Packard help desk with a printer problem. The tech asked her if she was running the printer under "Windows." The woman responded:
- No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.